Of someone...

A number plate, a familiar face, a flash and memories, they came rushing in.
Happy, filled with joy, rainbow colors that turned to bleak grays. A push, a nudge, some pink of a smile, some red of anger and then the blues...

Love, laughter, hugs, holding hands...

That pulled a 180 turn to...

Bitterness, anger, screams, pleading, insults...

And then, silence.

Silence - XV

Transient love -
Sarts with a sigh
A moony look
Stars in the eyes
Feet not touching the ground
From one place to another -
Just floating by.
Warm silence
Yet so much spoken
Volumes - to remember by...

When the silence is comfortable
Know that time will fly.

Transient love
Ends with a sigh
A bitter look
Grief in the eyes
Feet that drag
Days that refuse to end
Cold silence
So much to be spoken
Yet quietly the week goes by...

When the silence becomes cold and unforgiving
Know, that the end is nigh.

I write - XLV

...wounds, painful wounds
Wounds that hurt,
Wounds that kill
Wounds that take
Their own time to heal
Wounds that fester
Wounds that blood draw
Wounds that leave me feeling
Exposed, naked, raw
Wounds that remind
Of a time gone by
Wounds that passions
And anger ignite

Of these,

Your wounds
Which I pray
close, heal, and scars go away

I write.

My babies

I miss "good morning jai sai ram bua"
I miss "huggy paari"
I miss "Chikkal Patata"
I miss "bua, aap tya tar rake ho"
I miss "buddhu banaya bara maza aayyyyyaaaaaa"
I miss my babies.
But I shall not cry for them or pine for them, coz if I break down, everyone else shall too. I shall be the rough, unfeeling one. Better be known as that than to have everyone in the house wail.
God, give me strength.

How many times have I thought of what I would change if I could turn back the clock...The first would be to choose my friends and relationships a bit more carefully. The second would be to avoid a lot of things I did back then, a lot of decisions I made and so on. And then I wonder,...

What kind of a person would I be today, if not for my yesterday.

Would I be happier or more sad?
Would I be richer or poorer?
Would I be busier or more relaxed?
Would I be more stressed out or less?
Would my relationships be better or worse?
Would I still have the same set of best friends?
Would I be loved or hated?
Would I be a leader or a follower?
Would I be prettier or uglier?
Would I be thinner or fatter?

Would I be me?

Some old stuff

These are some couplets I wrote in Urdu...

guroor kar baithe they ham apni
taqat-e-ishq par
sab bikhar gaya jab
nazrana-e-shikast diya mehboob ne!

abr ke sadr se paani nikla
to garaj garaj kar bola
hairaan hain ham
dil ke tukre hazar huey
aur unki uff tak na nikli
[from the heart of a cloud, when it poured, it roared. I'm amazed, his heart broke into a million pieces, yet I heard nary a whisper....]

yeh faroz mere dil-e-noor ka
chandni se kahiye shikast maan le!
[The briliance of the light of my heart, Ask the moonlight to concede defeat!]

ik sada nikli is dil se
mere tukre na kariye
munh mora unhone
aur goli daag kar chal diye
[My heart begged of him - don't break me, he turned his face, shot at my heart and walked away]

had hui beyrehami ki
in ashkon ka voh
jaam bana kar pi gaye!
[The height of cruelty, My heart cried and he drank the tears like he would a drink]

siql na bane mohabbat hamari
bahut koshish ki hamnein
aankhon ke sailaab par, afsos,
koi zor nahi hamara
[A mockery should my love not become, I tried really hard...Alas, I have no control over these torrential tears of mine]

is ishq ka soz
hai suraj se bhi tapta hua
aamad o raft me the hum yun mashgool
janaza-e-mohabbat ke hum khud hi haamil ban baithe!
[so engrossed was I in communicating with my beloved, i became the bearer of my own demise]

Yesterday once more

Sometimes when I close my eyes and lean back, listening to the whispering breeze,
I walk back in time, and it's yesterday once more.
I come back to the day and place where we first met -
That and bright day that I just knew somehow, would turn out to be special.
I can still feel that surge of a new emotion I felt then,
Because a few moments with you, and I had known,
You were the one I had always been waiting for.

Yet today, you and I are at different crossroads in life.
I don't know what you're doing and you don't know where I am.
I can't help but wonder how your life's turned out
I can't help but wonder if you wonder about mine.
I can't help but wonder how life would have turned out if we were together.

But then, I wouldn't be able to turn back time and say...
It's yesterday once more.

My dear love,
Love doesn't only mean spending long hours together....
It also means finding unabounded joy in a mere glance or a soft caress.

Sweetheart,
I just want to tell you that
I don't want to be with you only when you're glad,
I also want to hold your hand through a downpour.

Baby,
I don't want to sail only on smooth waters with you,
I want to row you out of troubled waters too.

Honey,
With you, i don't only want to see the most beautiful gardens,
I want to explore the deepest darkest dungeons with you.

My sweet love,
I want to walk to the last shore of the world with you

Some of my old writings

My promise to you

It isn't about getting you the moon and stars,
It isn't about scaling the highest mountains
Or swimming the deepest oceans.

Love of my life, my promise to you
Is to hold you in my arms
And to protect you from any hurt or pain...
And to love you....forever.

Love of my life

With you, I'm so comfortable
With you, I am who I am and not who I should be
With you, I can hear the silence speak a thousand words
With you, I can spend my life just the way I want to
With you, I feel warmth
With you, I know love.

You are my strength

When I'm happy
When I'm sad,
When I'm quiet,
When I'm mad,
When I've been nasty,
When I've done a good deed,
In any shade of my emotions,
And however I am,
I know you love me
And that gives me the strength to go on being who I am.

Let's get away

Let's get away to a place where it's just the two of us together
No phone calls to attend, no letters to answer.

Let's get away to a place where it's just the two of us
And discover each other all over again.

Come, let's get away...just you and I.